How to Coach a Team That Is Too Nice

When you’re coaching a team that’s exceptionally kind and polite to each other, it might seem like a dream come true. These athletes encourage each other, celebrate each other’s successes, and genuinely care about their teammates. But sometimes, a “nice” team can hold back when it comes to giving honest feedback, pushing each other to improve, or fostering the competitive edge that brings out the best in everyone. 

This is what happened to me, the team is so nice that it is hard to get feedback. It is also harder to have a player-led team when everyone is so nice to each other. 

While kindness is essential to building a positive team culture, a balance is needed between camaraderie and competitiveness. Here’s how to coach a team that’s very nice to each other while also fostering the drive, honesty, and resilience needed for growth and success.

1. Emphasize the Value of Constructive Feedback

When a team is overly nice, players might shy away from giving each other constructive feedback for fear of seeming critical or hurting feelings. To address this, start by creating a culture where feedback is seen as a tool for improvement rather than criticism.

How to Implement It: Introduce a “feedback circle” where each player gives one piece of constructive feedback to a teammate along with a compliment. Encourage players to frame feedback as positive suggestions rather than critiques. For example, instead of saying, “You’re missing passes,” try “You have great vision—try calling out your passes so everyone can respond.” 

If this approach, player to player, is hard to implement, try something else. I have asked players to get into groups of 2. The player has to tell the other person 1 thing they did well and 1 thing they want to work on. This puts the critique back on them and they can identify skills. 

Teaching players how to give and receive feedback in a supportive way can make it easier for teammates to share honest insights without fear.

2. Set Individual and Team Goals

Nice teams often avoid situations that could lead to one player standing out over others. Setting specific goals, both as a team and individually, can help each player understand what they’re working towards and encourage them to hold each other accountable. This helps each player push themselves and their teammates to improve, without feeling like they’re being too competitive.

How to Implement It: Have the team set measurable goals for each game or practice, such as reducing turnovers or increasing shots on goal. At the same time, assign individual goals based on each player’s strengths and areas for improvement. Celebrate when goals are met, but use missed goals as learning opportunities to improve together.

We implemented “Winning the Day”, it wasn’t whether you actually won the competition or game, it was about doing things that show that you are winning like being focused, working hard, and having a good attitude. 

By focusing on goals, the team can see feedback and effort as a path to shared achievement, making it easier for teammates to push each other in a positive way.

3. Encourage a Competitive Spirit in Practice

A “nice” team may feel hesitant to compete fiercely against each other in practice, but controlled competition can be a great way to bring out intensity and inspire growth. Create a structure where competitive spirit is valued as a means to improve rather than a threat to team harmony.

How to Implement It: Organize fun, competitive drills, or scrimmages where players compete in small teams or pairs. Set up challenges, like who can score the most goals or complete the most passes under pressure. Offer lighthearted rewards, like a “Player of the Day” title or a small prize, to incentivize players to give their all without making it overly serious.

We also implemented small goals during practice like you need to have the ball travel 5 times before you score. Something that we can quantify, the team can manage but is also something they have to think about. 

These competitive drills can bring out a healthy, fun rivalry, encouraging players to push themselves and each other.

4. Celebrate Effort as Much as Outcome

Nice teams often worry about making mistakes because they don’t want to disappoint each other. By emphasizing effort over results, you can create an environment where players feel safe to try new things and take risks. 

How to Implement It: Celebrate hustle, resilience, and teamwork, even when it doesn’t lead to a perfect play. Acknowledge the player who dove for the ball, the one who tried a difficult shot, or the one who offered a helpful piece of feedback to a teammate. Encourage the team to celebrate each other’s courage and effort, which can build confidence and foster a willingness to try harder and push boundaries.

5. Teach “Tough Love” Through Example

Sometimes, nice teams struggle to confront each other honestly, even if a teammate needs a gentle nudge to work harder or stay focused. As a coach, you can model “tough love” by demonstrating how to be honest while still being supportive and respectful.

How to Implement It: When giving feedback, be direct yet encouraging. For example, “I can see you’re working hard, but I know you’re capable of even more.” Point out when a player’s actions impact the team positively, and be honest about areas where they could improve.

This way, players can see that being honest doesn’t mean being unkind—it means caring enough to help each other grow.

6. Introduce Accountability Partners

Accountability partners can help create a sense of responsibility without putting too much pressure on one individual. Pairing up players to encourage, challenge, and keep each other accountable can foster a deeper sense of commitment to both the team and each other’s growth.

How to Implement It: Assign each player an accountability partner and encourage them to check in with each other regularly. Partners can remind each other of individual goals, provide gentle encouragement, and share observations about each other’s performance. This one-on-one approach makes feedback feel more personal and supportive.

7. Frame Success as Team-Driven but Individually Powered

Kind teams sometimes avoid celebrating individual accomplishments, but recognizing personal successes can inspire everyone. By framing success as a team accomplishment that’s driven by individual growth, you can encourage players to develop their own strengths while appreciating how each member contributes to the whole.

How to Implement It: After games or practices, highlight individual achievements as examples of how each player contributes to the team’s overall success. For instance, “Emma’s three-point shot lifted us in the fourth quarter, and that wouldn’t have been possible without the solid passes from her teammates.” This reinforces that the team’s success depends on each player’s efforts.

8. Encourage Open Communication

Finally, nice teams sometimes avoid sharing their concerns or frustrations openly. Create a space where players can express their thoughts respectfully and safely, reinforcing that open communication is part of a strong, supportive team culture.

How to Implement It: Hold regular team check-ins where players can share what’s going well, what’s challenging, and what they need from each other. By normalizing open, respectful dialogue, you can help players feel comfortable bringing up issues and working through challenges together.

Wrap Up!

A team that’s genuinely nice to each other has a great foundation, but true growth happens when kindness meets honesty, competition, and accountability. By fostering an environment where players feel comfortable giving and receiving constructive feedback, pushing each other to excel, and celebrating each other’s individual successes, you can transform a “nice” team into one that is also resilient, driven, and empowered.

With these coaching strategies, you can create a balance where kindness coexists with a competitive edge, helping each player become their best self—on and off the field.

iSport360 is the only app that does it all for youth sports. For more information on what we do, click here. 

About the author: 

Amy Masters is a sports mom, coach, and club administrator. She has been coaching youth sports for more than 10 years. She started Jr Lions Field Hockey, the youth recreation program for the Hunterdon County community growing it from 40 players in year 1 to 150 players by year 3. A few years later, she saw the love and competitiveness grow then started Omega Field Hockey Club serving NJ and PA players. Before coaching, she was a collegiate field hockey player for Lock Haven University. In her spare time (lol), she is head of marketing for iSport360 and the co-editor of the Youth Sports Survival Guide. The Youth Sports Survival Guide is the largest youth sports newsletter in the world.